Facing Crossroads and Changes

Lately, I've been a confused girl. I probably know what your reaction would be after reading the next paragraph of this blog entry --- "WHAAAAT?!?!" ... Well, that's why I'm LITTLE MISS UNPREDICTABLE. You never know what to expect from me.

So what exactly happened? I didn't complete my registration for graduate studies and I resigned from work just after working for a week. ------ WHAAAAT?!?!

✔Why did I decide to stop working?

       I've always wanted to become a teacher. My whole life, I've been dreaming of my own school and being able to work in an environment where I also get to enjoy kids. Teachers have always been an inspiration to me because they make me work harder and they make me feel better about myself. 

       This past week I felt like I just thought of wanting this my whole life, well in fact I only wanted it because it was my childhood dream. It's like someone wanting to be a doctor, but when he gets older, it's not what he's destined to be. Well what happened to me is I shut my doors to the other possible career paths for me because of wanting to become a teacher when I was young. I never opened my idea to trying out other things before actually becoming that person I thought I wanted to be.

       And so I worked for a week as a preschool teacher plus I worked for a month as a preschool teacher last year for my OJT. I realized it was a really fulfilling job because of the smiles you get from the kids everyday. But I don't think I have that patience to actually teach a child who's starting from scratch that you would actually create ways for him/her to understand you and make him/her respond to you. First of all, I'm not creative, so it's so hard for me to actually think of activities for kids. And second, I don't think I'm ready yet to have my own class. I think I need to learn a lot more things before I actually become that kind of teacher these kids need. 

       I've always seen myself very close to kids. But it doesn't mean that just because I love them and they easily love me back, I'm already destined to become a preschool teacher. I want to be able to explore the other career opportunities for me while I'm still young to be able to know what I really want to do. In the end, I still might want to become a teacher, but I want to decide on things when I've already tried doing other things and I'm already sure of what I want to be.

✔Why I won't pursue my graduate studies?

       I won't pursue my graduate studies FOR THE MEAN TIME. I've always been a lover of learning and studying, but I want to be sure of what I really want to study so as not to waste time and money on something I'm not going to use. What really happened is when I finished my registration, assessment, and all that was left was paying for my tuition fee - I decided I won't pay first and pay the next day to be able to decide on things. Through prayer and counseling sessions with my parents, I never finished the whole enrollment process. I decided to put on hold my status with the graduate studies program in Ateneo.

       I was supposed to take up Develeopmental Psychology as the track of my MA studies this coming sem (which starts tomorrow by the way). It mainly focuses on early childhood education. They train you in teaching, caring and assessing skills in preschool environments. It's actually a perfect program for those who are really sure of becoming a preschool teacher. But as for my situation, it would really be risky to take this up if as of the moment, I am not really sure if I want to become a preschool teacher.

       The program is focused in just one career path - and that's teaching kids. If I learn to love the corporate setting, I can't really use what I've learned from my MA in Dev.Psych. So, I'm taking a year or two to work in a non-preschool setting, and be able to know if I really want to teach or it's just what I've always thought of doing that I'm just forcing myself to do it.

       Being able to work in another kind of setting, like the corporate world, will help me get to know myself better. If in a year or two, I'm still thinking of becoming a preschool teacher, then probably that's what I really want to become. I just want to welcome change now and to explore the different opportunities for a fresh graduate. Once I am able to have a job that I already love, then that's probably where studying comes in. When I know what it is I really want to be forever, then I'm going to study more about it. I can probably take MA or MBA. Whichever. At least by then, I'll know for sure that I'm not wasting money and time, because that's exactly what I want to do. 

SO THERE YOU GO. I've shared my story. No more WHAAAATs. I know I made the right decision. And I'm going to start looking for work (since I've already declined all the offers because I thought I was going to study) this week. Pray for me! ♡

P.S. It's so weird. Just last week, I was writing about how I want to make a difference as a teacher, and this week, I'm totally confused! Well, I still want to make a difference. Maybe I can try out other ways to.

☻